The Whacked-Out Wonder of Imperfect Love: A Hilarious, Heartfelt Duet That Celebrates the Enduring Power of Affection Despite Every Human Flaw.
There are love songs, and then there is “In Spite of Ourselves.” This duet, immortalized by the complementary, country-folk grit of John Prine and Iris DeMent, doesn’t glide into the room—it stumbles, swears, and lands in a glorious heap of honest, messy devotion. The version captured “Live From Sessions at West 54th” is a cherished document, proving that the deepest connections are often forged not in polished perfection, but in shared, slightly embarrassing flaws.
Key Information: “In Spite of Ourselves” was the title track and only original composition written by John Prine for his 1999 album, In Spite of Ourselves. The song was specifically written at the request of actor and director Billy Bob Thornton to be the end-credits theme for his film, Daddy and Them, in which Prine also had an acting role. The album, which was a collection of classic country duets featuring various female artists, was Prine’s first since recovering from throat cancer surgery—a dramatic personal triumph. The track was never released as a charting single, but its raw, hilarious honesty made it an instant classic in the Americana and folk communities. The Sessions at West 54th recording, a performance from the late 1990s, is particularly beloved for capturing the genuine, awkward chemistry between Prine and Iris DeMent.
The story of the song’s creation adds an essential layer to its dramatic meaning. Writing it immediately after a serious battle with cancer, Prine was literally finding his voice again. He deliberately chose Iris DeMent, whose distinctive, high, slightly off-kilter vocal tone provides the perfect counterpart to Prine’s increasingly gravelly delivery. The concept was simple: to create a duet that reflected the true nature of long-term love—a relationship where the participants know every single irritating, eccentric, and sometimes gross detail about the other person. Prine instructed DeMent that her character needed to “tear this guy down” with love, highlighting his absurdities.
The meaning of “In Spite of Ourselves” is the glorious acceptance of the unvarnished self. It’s an anti-romance romance song, rejecting the smooth veneer of pop ballads. The lyrics are a rapid-fire trade of hilarious personal confessions and accusations: from the man drinking beer “like it’s oxygen” to the woman who thinks “convict movies make her horny” and was “sniffin’ my undies.” Yet, every one of these perceived flaws is immediately counteracted by the simple, beautiful sentiment of the chorus: “In spite of ourselves / We’ll end up a’sittin’ on a rainbow / Against all odds / Honey, we’re the big door prize.” It’s a powerful declaration that true love is not about finding perfection; it’s about seeing the mess and choosing to celebrate it anyway.
For older, well-informed readers, this song is a deep, warm rush of nostalgia because it recognizes the drama of everyday cohabitation—the tiny, funny wars that make up a long life together. It’s the soundtrack to every couple who has looked across the kitchen table and loved the person, even as they watched them commit some utterly baffling personal crime (like putting ketchup on scrambled eggs). Prine and DeMent’s performance on this live track is the ultimate validation that, despite all the logical reasons to walk away, the powerful, illogical conviction of the heart always wins. It’s the ultimate, witty, and deeply emotional defense of the “odd couple.”